I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

Groucho Marx

I learned one thing from jumping motorcycles that was of great value on the golf course, the putting green especially: Whatever you do, don't come up short.

Evel Knievel

What most people don't understand is that UFOs are on a cosmic tourist route. That's why they're always seen in Arizona, Scotland, and New Mexico. Another thing to consider is that all three of those destinations are good places to play golf. So there's possibly some connection between aliens and golf.

Alice Cooper

Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening - and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.

Arnold Palmer

I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.

Ben Hogan

I'm a golfer, and what are the two sports you can do till you drop? Golf and surfing. They're great for you limber-wise, they're great for you health-wise, and they put you in sweet locations.

Matthew McConaughey

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

Lee Trevino